Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
