Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize