Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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