i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
