Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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