Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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