She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
