I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
