I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
