Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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