please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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