1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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