Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
