I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
