I think my vagina is haunted
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
