FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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