her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
