No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
