Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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