I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
