But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize