I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
