I skipped work to stalk him.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
