he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
