I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
