six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
