i just had sex bonerless
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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