shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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