if you like me you must not know who I am
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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