It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
