You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
