I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
