No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
