god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
