Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
