My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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