Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
