So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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