dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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