are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize