okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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