turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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