i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
