He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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