And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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