First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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