Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
