A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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