She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm too high and old for this...
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