oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
