Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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