why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
