Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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