I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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