he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
