I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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