Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
