He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
