He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
