There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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