the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
