My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
