Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have already put on my inside pants.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize