Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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