I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
