did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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