Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize