The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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