It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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