Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
